movie version . demo version . broadway demo version . broadway version . broadway reprise version

Chef Louis of Eric's castle takes a turn at singing while cooking his seafood speciality before an unexpected audience (i.e. Sebastian). A completely pointless song plotwise, but fun to watch and even more fun to sing.

Nouvelle cuisine
Les Champes Elysses
Maurice Chevalier

Les poissons, les poissons
How I love les poissons
Love to chop and to serve little fish
First I cut of zeir heads
Zen I pull out zeir bones
Ah mais oui ca c'est toujours delish

Les poissons, les poissons
Hee hee hee, haw haw haw
With ze cleaver I hack zem in two
I pull out what's inside
And I serve it up fried
God, I love little fishes, don't you

Here's something for tempting ze palate
Prepared in ze classic technique
First you pound ze fish flat with a mallet
Zen you slash through the skin
Give the ze belly a slice
Zen you rub some salt in
'Cos zat makes it taste nice

Zoot alors! I have missed one

Sacre bleu, what is zis?
How on earth could I miss
Such a sweet little succulent crab?
Quelle domage, what a loss
Here we go, in ze sauce
And some flour, I think just a dab

Zen I stuff you with bread
It don't hurt, cos you're dead
And you're certainly lucky you are
Cos it's gonna be hot
In my big silver pot
Too-da-loo mon poisson au revoir!

In an older draft of the song, which was featured in Music Behind the Magic, Louie sounds less an egotistical French cook and more like Beauty and the Beast's Lumiere who's taken over the kitchens. The draft features some very different delivery (which is utterly terrifying or not frightening at all, depending on your point of view).

Attention, le class. Today we will discuss ze preparation of zat favourite food, fish. Or as we say in my country, les poissons.

Les poissons, les poissons
How I love les poissons
Love to chop and to serve little fish
First I cut of zeir heads
Zen I pull out zeir bones
Ah mais oui ca c'est toujours delish

Les poissons, les poissons
Hee hee hee, haw haw haw
With ze cleaver I hack zem in two
I pull out what's inside
And I serve it up fried
God, I love little fishes, don't you

Here's something for tempting ze palate
Prepared in ze classic technique
First you pound z fish flat with a mallet
Zen you slash through the skin
Give ze the belly a slice
Zen you rub some salt in
'Cos zat make it taste nice

Oh, for a special treat, you must try ze shellfish. Oh, ze shellfish. They are being noblest of ze sea's creatures.

That's right, we are.

Ze clam is excellent, ze lobster is extraordinary, but best of all, best of all is ze crab. Ah, ze crab.

Oh, crab.

Ah, ze crab.
I give you a demonstration
Of my special preparation
First you nab ze crab
Zen you grab ze crab
Zen you stuff ze crab

What?

The Broadway demo tape of Les Poissons has a very enthusiastic vocalist working the hilarity of the song to their benefit.

Les poissons, les poissons
How I love les poissons
Love to chop and to serve little fish
First I cut of zeir heads
Zen I pull out zeir bones
Ah mais oui ca c'est toujours delish

Les poissons, les poissons
Hee hee hee, haw haw haw
With ze cleaver I hack zem in two
I pull out what's inside
And I serve it up fried
God, I love little fishes, don't you

Here's something for tempting ze palate
Prepared in ze classic technique
First you pound the fish flat with a mallet
Zen you slash through the skin
Give the the belly a slice
Zen you rub some salt in
'Cos zat makes it taste nice

Zoot alors! I have missed one.
Sacre bleu, what is zis?
How on earth could I miss
Such a sweet little succulent crab?
Quelle domage, what a loss
Here we go, in ze sauce
Now some flour, I think just a dab

Now I stuff you with bread
It don't hurt, 'cos you're dead
And you're certainly lucky you are
'Cos it's gonna be hot
In my big silver pot
Too-da-loo mon poisson au revoir!

The Original Broadway Cast recording features a very energetic John Treacy Egan performing the song with relish.

Les poissons, les poissons
How I love les poissons
Love to chop and to serve little fish
First I cut of zeir heads
Zen I pull out zeir bones
Ah mais oui ca c'est toujours delish

Les poissons, les poissons
Hee hee hee, haw haw haw
With ze cleaver I hack zem in two
I pull out what's inside
And I serve it up fried
God, I love little fishes, don't you

Here's something for tempting ze palate
Prepared in ze classic technique
First you pound the fish flat with a mallet
Zen you slash through the skin
Give the the belly a slice
Zen you rub some salt in
'Cos zat makes it taste nice

Zoot alors! I have missed one.
Sacre bleu, what is zis?
How on earth could I miss
Such a sweet little succulent crab?
Quelle domage, what a loss
Here we go, in ze sauce
Now some flour, I think just a dab

Now I stuff you with bread
It don't hurt, 'cos you're dead
And you're certainly lucky you are
'Cos it's gonna be hot
In my big silver pot
Too-da-loo mon poisson au revoir!

I shouldn't be surpised that "Les Poissons" would get a reprise in the Broadway version of the show, since that's what they do to fun musical numbers. Here Chef Louis gets some back-up help in the form of a whole troupe of his fellow Chefs.

Chef Louis:
And now something truly exquisite
The créme of the créme de la créme
Ho-ho-ho, you may ask, but what is it?
It's a teensy surprise
A delectable treat
One I'm sure you'll just love
Allez, bon appetit

Chefs:
Les poissons, les poissons
Ooh la la, here they are
Say bonjour to our friends from the sea

Chef 1:
Fish fillet

Chef 2:
Fish paté

Chef 3:
Fish flambé

Chef 4:
Fish tartare

Chef Louis:
It's a fish — how you say? — jamboree!

Chef 5:
Curried bass

Chef 6:
Kippered smelt

Chef 7:
Fish-ka-bobs

Chef 8:
Tuna melt

Chef Louis:
If it's grilled, it's been grilled to a T

Chefs:
Fish lightly toasted and roasted and steamed
Tossed in the blender and tenderly creamed

Chef Louis & Chefs:
Dish after dish like you'd wished to have dreamed

Chef Louis:
And now for the grand finale
La pièce de résistance
A delicacy, by golly
You won't find in restaurants
A tidbit to tease your tastebuds
With that certain je na sais quios
Voilà