POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS (Broadway)


Ursula: 
My dear sweet child, it's what I live for. To help unfortunate merfolk like yourself. Poor 
souls with no one else to turn to. 

I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty 
They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a witch 
But you’ll find that nowadays, I’ve mended all my ways 
Repented, seen the light and made a switch 
True? Yes 

And I fortunately know a little magic 
It’s a talent that I always have possessed 
And here lately, please don’t laugh, I use it on behalf 
Of the miserable, lonely and depressed 
Pathetic 

Poor unfortunate souls 
In pain, in need 
This one longing to be thinner 
That one wants to get the girl 
And do I help them? Yes, indeed 

Those poor unfortunate souls 
So sad, so true 
They come flocking to my cauldron 
Crying "spells, Ursula please!" 
And I help them? Yes, I do 

Now it’s happened once or twice 
That someone couldn’t pay the price 
And I’m afraid I had to rake ‘em ‘cross the coals 
Yes, I’ve had the odd complaint 
But on the whole I’ve been a saint 
To those poor unfortunate souls 

Here’s my best offer, babykins. I know a spell that will turn you into a human for three days. 
Now it’s a got procedural clause, sort of a squid pro quo. Before the sun sets on the third 
day, you've got to get dear ‘ol princey to kiss you. If you do, you’ll stay human forever. 

Ariel: 
And if I don’t? 

Ursula: 
Nothing drastic, darling, I’m sure. Oh look! Small print. Your soul is my forever. And you’re 
doomed to spend eternity in my watery hell-soaked lair. Lawyers, don't you just love 'em? Of 
course, there is one more thing. My fee. 

Ariel: 
But I don’t have anything— 

Ursula: 
I’m not asking for much. Only... your voice. 

Ariel: 
My voice? If I give away my voice, how do I...? 

Ursula: 
You have your looks, your pretty face 
And don’t underestimate the power of body language 

The men up there don’t like a lot of blabber 
They think a girl who gossips is a bore 
Yes, on land it’s much preferred 
For ladies not to say a word 
And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for? 

Come on 
They’re not all that impressed with conversation 
True gentlemen avoid it when they can 
But they dote and swoon and fawn 
On a lady who’s withdrawn 
And she who holds her tongue who gets her man 

Come on, you poor unfortunate soul 
Go ahead, make your choice 
I’m a very busy woman and I haven’t got all day 
It won’t cost much, just your voice 

You poor unfortunate soul 
It’s sad, but true 

If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet 
You got to pay the toll 
Take a gulp and take a breath 
Go ahead and sign the scroll 
Flotsam, Jetsam, now I’ve got her boys 
The boss is on a roll 
You poor unfortunate soul 

Beluga, sevruga 
Come winds of the Caspian sea 
Larynxes, glossitis 
Et max laryngitis 
La voce to me 

Now sing! Sing your voice over to me! Sing and keep singing! Now swim. Swim! Swim, swim for 
your life, human child!