The Swan Princess: Transcribed Script

This the movie script for The Swan Princess as transcribed by me, with helpful corrections by Veronica, Lindsey and an anon. The script is not definitive and is incomplete in places, so any corrections are welcome! Send them in to:

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Once upon a time there was a king named William who ruled a large and mighty kingdom. And yet, he was sad for he was growing old and had no child to inherit the throne. Then, happily, a daughter was born… A princess. And she was given the name Odette. Kings and Queens came from all around to offer their gifts to the child. Among them was the widow Uberta and her young son, Prince Derek. It was then that William and Uberta happened upon the same idea. Derek and Odette would be brought together each summer in hopes that they would fall in love and join their kingdoms forever. But unknown to all was another plan, that of the evil enchanter, Rothbart. Odette’s birth was of little concern to him, for he was preparing to take King William’s kingdom by means of the Forbidden Arts. On the eve of his assault, William attacked and Rothbart’s powers were plunged into darkness. Despite calls for his death, the enchanter was only banished.

ROTHBART
I’m not finished with you yet, William. Someday I’ll get my power back. And when I do, everything you own, everything you love will be mine.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Many feared King William too kind. But in time the threat was forgotten and all hopes turned to that not-too-distant summer, when Derek and Odette would meet.

(Cut to: Exterior, Uberta’s castle, day.)

CHAMBERLAIN
Hehehe, oh, here they come, hee! [Laughter.]

WILLIAM
Dear Uberta, as lovely as ever.

CHAMBERLAIN
[Gasp.]

UBERTA
Oh, a nest. [Chuckles.]

WILLIAM
And who might this strapping young man be? Young Prince Derek, no doubt.

UBERTA
Welcome to our fair kingdom, dear William. And to you, young princess. Go on, Derek. [Chuckles.] Dear, go on…

DEREK
Mother!

QUEEN UBERTA
Derek!

DEREK
Hello, Princess Odette. I’m very pleased to meet you.

ODETTE
Pleased to meet you, Prince Derek.

UBERTA
Ah-ah-ah-ah!

DEREK
Yuck!
(v.o.) I can’t believe I’m stuck with her all summer
I’ll bet she doesn’t wrestle, hunt or box

ODETTE (v.o.)
He looks conceited

DEREK (v.o.)
What a total bummer

ODETTE & DEREK (v.o.)
If I get lucky I’ll get chicken pox

DEREK
So happy you could come

ODETTE
So happy to be here

ODETTE & DEREK (v.o.)
How I’d like to run

ODETTE
This is not my idea

DEREK
This isn’t my idea

ODETTE & DEREK
Of fun

(Transition to: Interior, Uberta’s castle.)

UBERTA
The children seem to get along quite nicely

WILLIAM
We’ll join our lands if this arrangement clicks

UBERTA
My dear King William, that’s my point precisely

WILLIAM
It’s such good parenting

UBERTA
And politics
So happy we agree

WILLIAM
I think we’ve got a deal

UBERTA
Derek’s quite a catch

WILLIAM
This is my idea

UBERTA
This is my idea

WILLIAM & UBERTA
Of a match

UBERTA
[Laughs.] And such fun!

(Transition: A few years later, exterior, William’s castle, day.)

WILLIAM
Good heavens, child, don’t dawdle
We can’t keep Derek waiting

ODETTE
I haven’t packed or washed my hair
And father, I get seasick

(Cut to: Interior, Derek’s room.)

UBERTA
She soon will be arriving
Is that respect you’re showing?

DEREK
To make me kiss her hand again
I swear I’m gonna be sick

(Cut to: Exterior, the docks, Uberta’s kingdom, day.)

WILLIAM
One day Prince Derek will be her intended

UBERTA
Splendid

(Transitions: Uberta’s castle, day.)

DEREK
We’ve tried all summer but we just can’t lose her

ODETTE
Hey fellas, wait up!

BROMLEY
Quick, put on some speed

DEREK
When picking teams

BROMLEY
Or friends

DEREK
I never choose her

BROMLEY
You’d think she’d take a hint and learn to read

ODETTE
This really isn’t fair

DEREK & BROMLEY
We really couldn’t care

ODETTE
Boys, it’s all or none
This is not my idea

DEREK & BROMLEY
This isn’t my idea

ODETTE, DEREK & BROMLEY
Of fun

(Transitions: Exterior, Uberta’s kingdom)

VILLAGERS
Long before they met
Derek and Odette
Were destined to be wedded

(Transitions: Interior, Uberta’s castle and William’s castle)

SERVANTS
However anyone could see
The only point on which they didn’t disagree
Was that the very thought of summertime
Was dreaded

(Transitions: Interior, Uberta’s castle.)

DEREK
She tries to talk me into playing dress-up
She’s always flirting with the castle guards

BROMLEY
I think you really sorta like her, fess-up

DEREK
I’d like her better if she’d lose at cards
Four sevens and a ten

ODETTE
I think I’ve won again

DEREK & BROMLEY
Every time she’s won

ODETTE
This is my idea

DEREK & BROMLEY
This isn’t my idea

ODETTE, DEREK & BROMLEY
Of fun

(Transitions: Exterior, Uberta’s kingdom, day.)

VILLAGERS
We need a royal wedding
I’d love to be invited
At least we’d get a holiday to rest our ploughs and axes
Someday these two will marry
Two lands will be united
And with some luck their marriage may result in lower taxes

(Transition: William to Uberta)

WILLIAM (v.o.)
What if Odette doesn’t go for the merger?

UBERTA (v.o.)
Urge her!

(Split-screen + transitions: Odette and Derek – now adults.)

ODETTE & DEREK
For as long as I remember
We’ve been told we’d someday wed
Every June until September

DEREK (v.o.)
All their pushing and annoying hints

ODETTE (v.o.)
I’ve got bruises with their fingerprints

DEREK (v.o.)
I can do much better, I am sure

ODETTE (v.o.)
He’s so immature
I see him smiling and my knees start buckling
I see inside him and my doubts are gone

DEREK (v.o.)
She started out as such an ugly duckling
And somehow suddenly became a swan

ODETTE (v.o.)
So happy to be here

DEREK (v.o.)
‘Til now I never knew

ODETTE & DEREK (v.o.)
It is you I’ve been dreaming of

DEREK (v.o.)
This is my idea

ODETTE (v.o.)
This is my idea

UBERTA, WILLIAM & CHORUS
What a good idea, such a charming and romantic notion
This is my idea (This is my idea)
Such a good idea (Such a good idea)
What a good idea, such a powerful and magic potion
This is exactly my idea
Of love

ODETTE (v.o.)
This is my idea

DEREK (v.o.)
This is my idea

ODETTE & DEREK (v.o.)
This is my idea
Of

CHORUS (v.o.)
Love

DEREK
Arrange the marriage!

CROWD
[Cheers and applause.]

ODETTE
Wait!

DEREK
What? You’re all I ever wanted. You’re beautiful!

ODETTE
Thank you. But what else?

DEREK
What else?

ODETTE
Is beauty all that matters to you?

WILLIAM
[Coughs.]

UBERTA
Derek… What else?

DEREK
I, uh… What else is there?

ROGERS
[Buzzer noise.]

UBERTA
[Whimpers.]

(Transition to: Exterior, Uberta’s castle, day.)

WILLIAM
We tried, Uberta. No one can say we didn’t try.

UBERTA
[Sobs.]

WILLIAM
Say goodbye, Odette.

ODETTE
Goodbye.

WILLIAM
Goodbye…?

ODETTE
Prince Derek.

DEREK
Mother.

UBERTA
Derek!

DEREK
Goodbye, Princess.

UBERTA
All these years of planning… Wasted!

(Transition: Interior, Uberta’s castle, later.)

ROGERS
What else is there? She says, “Is beauty all that matters?” And you say, “What else is there?!”

DEREK
It was dumb, I know.

ROGERS
You should write a book. ‘How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less’.

BROMLEY
Your turn, Prince Derek.

DEREK
I didn’t know what else to say.

BROMLEY
Oh! You lost your queen, Derek.

DEREK
That’s twice in one day!

ROGERS
Think! You must see something other than Odette’s beauty.

DEREK
Of course I do, Rogers. She’s like… You know! How about… And then… Am I right? I don’t know how to say it! I’ll prove it to her. I’ll prove my love! Checkmate!

BROMLEY
Huh?

(Transition to: Exterior, the woods, evening.)

ROTHBART
Today’s the day, Willy… Everything you own, everything you love, will be mine.

(Cut to: Interior, William’s coach.)

WILLIAM
I – I just don’t understand… What else did you want him to say?

ODETTE
I need to know that he loves me for just being me.

GUARD (off-screen)
Whoa! Whoa.

WILLIAM
Stay inside, Odette.

(Cut to: Interior, Uberta’s castle.)

DEREK
It’s King William’s captain!

GUARD
We… We were attacked. A Great Animal…

DEREK
Odette!

ROGERS
Derek! Wait!

(Transition: Exterior, woods, evening.)

DEREK
Odette! Odette? Odette! Oh! King William…

WILLIAM
Derek… I…

DEREK
Who did this?

WILLIAM
It came so quickly… A Great… Animal.

DEREK
Where is Odette?

WILLIAM
Listen to me, Derek. It’s not what it seems. It’s not what it seems.

DEREK
What’s not? Where is Odette?

WILLIAM
Odette is… Odette is… Gone.

DEREK
Odette!

(Transition to: Exterior, Swan Lake.)

ROTHBART
Now don’t let my little spell make you sad, Odette. It doesn’t even last the whole day. As soon as the moon comes up… And that’s how it works, every night. You have to be on the lake, of course, and when the moonlight touches your wings… Now look Odette, this sort of thing doesn’t give me any pleasure. Well, maybe a teensy bit. But what I really want is… Is your father’s kingdom.

ODETTE
Take it, then! You have enough power.

ROTHBART
Nah, tried that already. Once you steal something, you spend your whole life fighting to keep it. But if I marry the only heir to the throne… We’ll rule your father’s kingdom together, legally, King and Queen. You know?

ODETTE
Never!

ROTHBART
Where are you going? As soon as moonlight leaves the lake you turn back into the swan. No matter where you are.

ODETTE
[Cries.]

(Cut to: Exterior, the grounds of Uberta’s castle, day.)

ROGERS
The musicians are not happy.

DEREK
I know, but I have to practice.

ROGERS
Oh, no complaints here. I think it’s going to be loads of… Fun.

DEREK
The Great Animal is never going to give her up without a fight.

ROGERS
You’re not still thinking she’s alive?

DEREK
When I find the Great Animal, Rogers, I’ll find Odette.

ROGERS
Oh Derek, you’ve looked everywhere. She’s not coming back. The whole kingdom knows it.

DEREK
The whole kingdom’s wrong. Odette’s alive, and I’m gonna find her. You ready, Brom?

ROGERS
No peeking! Animals, assemble!

MUSICIAN 1
Lord Rogers, I must object. We are musicians!

ROGERS
The servants have the day off. We have to use someone.

MUSICIAN 1
But I’m an artist! Not a boar.

ROGERS
Could’ve fooled me.

DEREK
C’mon guys, they’re harmless.

MUSICIANS
We are a band
And not a band of animals
This masquerade

MUSICIAN 2 (BEAR)
Is more than I can bear

MUSICIANS
There goes my reputation
It's awful, this humiliation

MUSICIAN 3 (LION)
And I've the lion's share

ROGERS
Down on all fours, please, and growl ferociously! Liven it up a bit! I want you to strike fear into my heart.

WESLEY (RABBIT)
[Roars.]

ROGERS
Not you, Wesley, you’re a rabbit, for heaven’s sake. Archers! Ready. Set. Go!

WESLEY (RABBIT)
[Chuckles.]

MUSICIAN (FOX)
Duck!

HANS (DUCK)
Yes?

WESLEY (RABBIT)
[Chuckles.]

MUSICIAN (BEAR)
Duck!

HANS (DUCK)
What?

UBERTA & COURTIERS
Day after day all the prince ever does
Is practice, practice, practice

UBERTA
Thinking of her and the way that it was

COURTIERS
Practice, practice, practice

HANS (DUCK)
He’s not happy ‘til he has attacked us

ROGERS
Twelve seconds!

NOBLES
Day after day all the prince ever does
Practice, practice, practice
Thinking of her and the way that it was
Practice, practice, practice

MUSICIANS
If we had refused he would have sacked us

ROGERS
Five seconds!

MUSICIANS
So we face a life of target

ROGERS
Three! Two!

MUSICIANS & NOBLES
Practice, practice, practice!

ROGERS
Time! Animals, assemble for counting. Aha! Very good, very good. You scored plenty of five pointers, that’s for sure.

DEREK
Sorry, Hans. Why don’t you take a few days off?

ROGERS
Moose are worth two points. Sixteen, it’s a total of thirty-two. Ten seven pointers and fourteen three pointers, with a total of two hundred ninety-eight. Well done, Derek! Now Bromley, let’s see, for you, and zero, and zero, and uh nothing, and nil and zip. And last but not least the elusive 100-point white rabbit!

BROMLEY
I believe that’s three hundred, Rogers.

DEREK
Good shooting, Brom.

BROMLEY
Well, write it down! Three hundred to two ninety-eight.

DEREK
Oh but uh, wait just a moment, Rogers. Sorry, Brom.

BROMLEY
[Chuckles.] You’re a great marksman, Derek. One of the best. But it takes more than good aim. It takes courage. That’s my forte.

ROGERS
Well, then. How about a quick round of catch-and-fire?

BROMLEY
C-c-c-c-c-c-catch-and-fire? You mean me?

ROGERS
You’re the only one with enough c-c-c-c-c-c-c-courage.

(Cut to: Exterior, Uberta’s castle, later.)

ROGERS
Are you sure you’ll all right?

BROMLEY
Uh-hmm. I’m fine. I-I’m fine. Oh, too tight! Too tight!

ROGERS
Oh, whoops. So sorry.

DEREK
Ready?

BROMLEY
R-r-r-r…

ROGERS
He’s ready. Remember now, aim for the heart. Right between the shoulders.

BROMLEY
Oh please, oh please, oh please…

DEREK
Come on, Brom… Hold it steady.

BROMLEY
Oh please, oh please, oh please… Now!

ROGERS
Fifty-two out of fifty-two! Well done, Derek! Extraordinary courage, man. Just think, one inch lower and that arrow would have…

DEREK
Don’t lose hope, Odette, wherever you are… I’m gonna find you.

(Transition: Exterior, Swan Lake, night.)

SPEED
[Chuckle.]

JEAN-BOB
Quiet! I cannot concentrate.

SPEED
You’ve come up with some dumb ideas, Jean-Bob, but this one’s a doozy.

JEAN-BOB
Hah! Go ahead and laugh. I’ll get her to kiss me and when she does…

SPEED
When she does, poof! You’ll change into a prince. I know, I know, you’ve told me. Why don’t you just give her these flowers? These are pretty.

JEAN-BOB
Hah, what, they love duds. I don’t want these flowers, I must have those. When she learns that I have risked my life for them, the kissing will not stop.

SPEED
And then you’ll change into a prince.

JEAN-BOB
Precisely.

SPEED
Mind if I point out a problem?

JEAN-BOB
I don’t take advice from peasants.

SPEED
Suit yourself.

JEAN-BOB
Flowers. Kiss. Concentration. Flowers. Kiss. Concentration.

SPEED
Just curious, how are you going to get back?

JEAN-BOB
Ah! Hurry, hurry! Move up, move up! No, not that — close! Aaaah! Grab to me! Grab to me! Hold my arm! Hold my leg! Hold my – hold it, hold it, hold it. Oh thank you, Odette. Thank you. Let me have that. Silence, you savages. Haha!

ODETTE
[Gasp.] Are you all right, Jean-Bob? Jean-Bob?

JEAN-BOB
Oui, oui, oui, Odette, yes, I’m all right.

ODETTE
What in the world were you trying to do?

SPEED
He thought that if—

JEAN-BOB
Shh! I wanted to get those flowers for you.

ODETTE
You’re being sneaky again, Jean-Bob.

JEAN-BOB
What sneaky? You deserve a nice bouquet.

ODETTE
And you deserve a kiss.

JEAN-BOB
Well, all right.

ODETTE
You know I’m under a spell.

JEAN-BOB
But my kiss will break the spell.

SPEED
Give it up, Jean-Bob.

ODETTE
I can only kiss the man I love and then he—

JEAN-BOB
Must make a vow of everlasting love, I know.

ODETTE
And prove it to the world.

JEAN-BOB
What do you think I was doing with the flowers and the alligators going chop-chop?

ODETTE
Speed, make him understand.

SPEED
I’m only a turtle.

ODETTE
If I could break this spell
I’d run to him today
And somehow I know he’s on his way to me
Derek, you and I were meant to be
Far longer than forever
I’ll hold you in my heart
It’s almost like you’re here with me
Although we’re far apart

(Intercuts between Odette & Derek.)

DEREK
Far longer than forever
As constant as a star
I close my eyes and
I am where you are

ODETTE
Sure as the dawn brings the sunrise
We’ve an unshakeable bond

DEREK
Destined to last for a lifetime
And beyond
Far longer than forever

ODETTE
Far longer than forever

DEREK
I swear that I’ll be true

ODETTE
I swear that I’ll be true

DEREK
I’ve made an

ODETTE & DEREK
Everlasting vow
To find a way to you
Far longer than forever
Like no love ever known

ODETTE
And with your love

ODETTE & DEREK
I’ll never be alone

ODETTE
Far longer than forever

DEREK
Much stronger than forever

ODETTE
And with your love I’ll never be alone

PUFFIN
[Whimpering.]

SPEED
You think he’s dead?

ODETTE
No, it’s just his wing, I think.

JEAN-BOB
Strange-looking bird.

ODETTE
Poor fellow. He must be in a lot of pain. You better hold him.

PUFFIN
[Whimper.]

SPEED
Ready.

PUFFIN
[Gasp.]

JEAN-BOB
‘Allo! This is your wake-up call!

PUFFIN
A-ha! It takes more than a pair of pond folks to keep Puffin down! Hi-yah!

ODETTE
Wait, I’m your friend.

PUFFIN
If you were me friend, how come you have an arrow in your hand, ah, a-hah? Yes! The exact kind of arrow I have in…

ODETTE
I took it out while you were laying there.

PUFFIN
You mean you had a chance to kkkt but instead you pfft?

ODETTE
U-huh.

PUFFIN
Madam, I apologize. Me name is Puffin. Lieutenant Puffin.

ODETTE
It’s a pleasure, Lieutenant Puffin. I’m Odette. Princess Odette. And these are my best friends in the whole world, Mr. Lorenzo Trudge-a-long…

SPEED
Friend call me Speed.

ODETTE
And Jean-Bob.

JEAN-BOB
I have no friends, only servants, and they call me Your Highness.

SPEED
(whispers) He thinks he’s a prince.

PUFFIN
I owe ya, Princess. And I intend on stayin’ until me debt is paid.

ODETTE
I don’t think there’s much you can do. He has me under a spell.

PUFFIN
What? You mean a magical…

ROTHBART
Your knight in shining armor has come to set you free.

PUFFIN
Lemme at ‘im, lemme at ‘im… I’ll…

SPEED
Chill.

ROTHBART
All it takes is one little word. Will you marry me?

ODETTE
Every night you ask the same question.

ROTHBART
No, no!

ODETTE
And every night I give you the same answer.

ROTHBART
Don’t!

ODETTE
I'll die first.

ROTHBART
You’re really starting to bug me.

ODETTE
I should think you’d be used to it by now.

ROTHBART
That’s it! Just keep pushing it. But someday I’m going to boil over!

ODETTE
Go ahead then! But I’ll never give you my father’s kingdom.

ROTHBART
I was hoping you’d say you’d be mine. But it looks as if you need another day to think about it. [Laughs.]

ODETTE
No.

ROTHBART
[Laughs.]

PUFFIN
Princess… Princess!

(Transition: Interior, Uberta’s castle.)

UBERTA
Beautiful, simply beautiful. Soon Derek will be married and the kingdom will have a king again.

ROGERS
I doubt it. Derek still refuses to be king unless he finds Odette.

UBERTA
Oh poppycock! All that will change at tomorrow night’s ball.

CHAMBERLAIN
They’re all coming to the ball! [Laughs.] Every princess is coming.

UBERTA
[Squeals.] Oh goody, oh my. Oh, this is wonderful! You see, Rogers. One of these is bound to change his mind.

ROGERS
Oh absolutely… not.

UBERTA
Do not lose one.

CHAMBERLAIN
Oh, no, no, no no.

UBERTA
Where is Derek? Oh never mind I know where he is, working on the mystery of the Fat Animal.

ROGERS
The Great Animal, Your Highness.

UBERTA
Well, Big, Great. It’s large and has fur.

(Cut to: The castle library.)

WILLIAM (v.o.)
Listen to me, Derek. It’s not what it seems.

DEREK
What did King William mean? It’s not what it seems, of course! It’s not what it seems! Now I’ll find you, Odette.

UBERTA
They’re coming, Derek. Oh! Derek, where are you going?

DEREK
To find the Great Animal.

UBERTA
Oh, wonderful. Just make sure you’re here tomorrow night.

DEREK
Tomorrow night?

UBERTA
Uh. The ball.

DEREK
Mother, I… I can’t. Oh please, mother. Don’t do the lip thing. If I leave now, maybe I can be back in time.

UBERTA
[Cheers.] Thank you, darling. [Laughs.]

DEREK
But please, mother, don’t turn it into one of your beauty pageants.

UBERTA
Oh, no no no no no. It’s just a few friends… And their daughters. I want this to be big. Every princess must have her own introduction.

CHAMBERLAIN
But you said…

UBERTA
Forget what I said. Now, send for the cooks and tell the band to start rehearsing! And I want four footmen for every carriage. [Giggles.] Maybe five!

(Cut to: Exterior, Swan Lake, day.)

PUFFIN
Let me get this straight. You mean every night when the moonlight leaves the lake you – honk honk!

ODETTE
Right. The following night, if I want to turn back into a human, I have to be on the lake.

JEAN-BOB
Hmph. All she needs is a little moonlight. Me, I ‘ave to be smooched.

PUFFIN
No fear. You fly to your prince, we bring him back to the lake. The moon comes up, you change into a princess and [trumpet noise], happily ever after. [Laughs.]

ODETTE
How do we find him?

PUFFIN
You don’t know where he is?

ODETTE
I don’t even know where I am.

SPEED
I bet he does.

JEAN-BOB
Oh that’s a great idea. Just say, Monsieur Rothbart, I’d like to leave now, do you have a map or something?

ODETTE
[Gasp.] That’s it!

ODETTE & PUFFIN
A map!

JEAN-BOB
[Shrieks.]

ODETTE
Let’s do it!
We’re off on a mission
We’re tough, in good condition

PUFFIN
We’re short

ODETTE
But standing tall

ODETTE, PUFFIN & SPEED
No fear!

ODETTE
There’s danger around us

JEAN-BOB
They’d hurt if they found us

SPEED
Our backs are to the wall

ODETTE, PUFFIN & SPEED
No fear

ODETTE
‘Cause we have all the courage we require

PUFFIN
Take it from a frequent flyer

ODETTE
Try your luck
Our plan will fly

ODETTE, PUFFIN & SPEED
No fear

ODETTE
It’s hanging on the wall. In the upper chamber.

PUFFIN
Odette can keep a look-out while we get the map.

JEAN-BOB
We?

PUFFIN
You’re not going to help us?

JEAN-BOB
Oui!
This plan if applied’ll
Be simply suicidal
You’ll be a sitting duck

ODETTE, PUFFIN & SPEED
No fear

JEAN-BOB
Suppose that I do this
Who knows if we’ll live through this
How ‘bout a kiss for luck?

ODETTE
No

PUFFIN & SPEED
Fear

ODETTE
Our team is shy one green web-footed volunteer

JEAN-BOB
No way, jose
No chance

SPEED
No choice

ODETTE, PUFFIN & SPEED
No fear

JEAN-BOB
Don’t, stop it! Stop it! Don’t!

(Cut to: Interior, Swan Lake castle.)

PUFFIN
All right, quickly.

SPEED
Easy for you to say. Ouch.

JEAN-BOB
Whenever I have to do something quick, I always bring a turtle.

SPEED
I think I pulled a muscle.

JEAN-BOB
I’m gonna die! I knew it! I’m on a dangerous mission with a lame turtle! You’re gonna get us all killed!

SPEED
Beat ya.

ODETTE, PUFFIN & SPEED
We will take any dare
That the other side’ll dare to dream up
We’ll fight tough, we’ll play fair
But we’re sure to win because we’ll team up

SPEED
Yikes.

PUFFIN
Head for the door!

THE HAG
[Cackles.]

PUFFIN
All right. Jean-Bob goes deep, Speed gets the hand-off. Ready?

PUFFIN, JEAN-BOB & SPEED
Break!

THE HAG
Huh?

PUFFIN
Set. Hut hut!

JEAN-BOB
I’m open! I’m open! Haha! [Gasp.]

PUFFIN
Catch that map!

JEAN-BOB
[Screams.]

SPEED
Saved ya.

JEAN-BOB
Reach!

SPEED
Hey, batter batter batter.

PUFFIN
Oh the crowd’s going wild!

CHORUS
No fear
No fear
We would be fine if one of us knew how to steer

PUFFIN
Get a grip

SPEED
Get set

PUFFIN
That’s our respect
Go right

SPEED
No sweat

PUFFIN
And no regret
We’ll land

SPEED
Not yet

JEAN-BOB
Oh no, not there!

SPEED
Save me.

CHORUS
No fear

ODETTE
There’s Derek’s kingdom. When do we leave?

(Cut to: Exterior, Uberta’s castle, day.)

BROMLEY
It’s a mouse.

DEREK
The Great Animal.

BROMLEY
[Chuckles.] A tad small, wouldn’t you say?

DEREK
Yeah? Until it changes into this. An animal that can change its shape. A harmless creature approaches… Then suddenly, it’s too late.

BROMLEY
You mean… You mean it could be anything?

DEREK
Anything.

(Cut to: Exterior, Swan Lake, day.)

JEAN-BOB
Odette, I apologize for the way I’ve been acting.

ODETTE
It’s all right, Jean-Bob.

JEAN-BOB
No, no. This Derek is very important to you. And all I can do is think of myself.

ODETTE
Everyone does that.

JEAN-BOB
Please Odette, don’t make this any more difficult than it already is. Accept my apology, please.

ODETTE
Okay, I accept.

JEAN-BOB
Good. Now we can kiss and make-up. [Kissing noises.]

ODETTE & SPEED
Jean-Bob!

JEAN-BOB
What? What did I say? What? What?

PUFFIN
Ten hut! It is zero hour, troops. Odette, prepare for take-off.

ODETTE
Right.

PUFFIN
The rest of you have your assignments. Is everyone ready?

SPEED
Ready for action, sir.

PUFFIN
How about you, Jean-Bob? Jean-Bob? Highness?

JEAN-BOB
Oui! I am ready.

PUFFIN
Take-off!

SPEED
Good luck! Have a nice flight!

JEAN-BOB
Remember! If anything happens to her, I’ll have you whipped, flogged, put on the rack and then have your back legs fried in butter!

(Cut to: Exterior, forest, day.)

DEREK
He’s in here, Brom. I can feel it.

BROMLEY
How will you know the Great Animal when you see it?

DEREK
I’ll know. Better stay close.

BROMLEY
[Laughs nervously.] If you say so. Derek? Derek, where are you?

DEREK
Shh, shh.

BROMLEY
Oh, sorry.

BROMLEY
D-d-d-d-erek. Derek? Oh-oh-oh-oh Derek!

(Cut to: The skyline.)

ODETTE
We better keep an eye out for hunters.

PUFFIN
[Chuckles.] At ease, Odette. I can smell a human a mile away. [Shrieks.]

ODETTE
[Gasp.]

PUFFIN
Where did that come from?

BROMLEY (off-screen)
Derek!

ODETTE
[Gasp.] Derek! He’s here!

PUFFIN
You will not lose control. You will follow the plan as outlined. Acknowledge. Acknowledge! Odette!

(Cut to: The forest.)

PUFFIN
Odette!

(Cut to: Another part of the forest.)

BROMLEY
Oh, I’ve got you now. [Chuckles.] Don’t give me that innocent look. Change! Go ahead, change! I’m not afraid of you!

MOUSE
[Squeak.]

BROMLEY
[Blubbers.]

(Cut to: Another part of the forest.)

ODETTE
[Gasp.] Derek!

DEREK
A swan? A swan! Of course! It’s not what it seems! Just a little closer… Come on… Come on…

ODETTE
Derek!

DEREK
This one’s for Odette!

PUFFIN
Ah, Odette! Oh, phew. Oh, oh! That was close! It’s working! Here he comes. Hey, slow down, you’re going to lose him! Slow down!

ODETTE
He’s too close.

PUFFIN
Too close? He can hardly see us anymore let alone – aah! Speed up, girl. Oh, that boy of yours can move.

ODETTE
I told you! He’s faster than you thought.

PUFFIN
Don’t worry, Odette, I’ve been taught just what to do in this situation.

ODETTE
Well?

PUFFIN
Uh…

ODETTE
Puffin!

PUFFIN
Yeah yeah yeah yeah! When the archer has you in his sights, fly into the sun and use its light. Follow me! Aha! Ah… Well, what did I tell you, Odette? Now all we have to do is stay in the sun. [Gasp.]

ODETTE
[Gasp.]

PUFFIN
All right! Don’t panic, don’t panic! Uh…

ODETTE
[Gasp.]

PUFFIN
Ah!

ODETTE
Puffin!

PUFFIN
Odette, hurry!

ODETTE
Into the trees! We better think of something quick. Or else, we’re dead ducks.

PUFFIN
(…) the old possum said, when there’s no escape, you have to play dead. Gives the right the right touch, yes? Wait ‘til I give you a ha! [Exaggerated death sounds.]

DEREK
Ah!

PUFFIN
Hoo! That’ll put some distance between us.

(Transition: Exterior, Swan Lake, evening.)

SPEED
No sign of them yet.

JEAN-BOB
I hope that petty Puffin knows what he’s doing.

SPEED
Incoming!

PUFFIN
Ha ha! There they are! It’s almost time, Odette. Look.

ODETTE
I can’t do it.

PUFFIN
Well, you have to!

ODETTE
He’ll kill me, Puffin!

PUFFIN
Oh… You don’t do it now, Odette, you’ve lost your chance for life.

ODETTE
All right. I’ll do it.

PUFFIN
Go!

DEREK
What?

PUFFIN
All right, come on, come on…

ODETTE
[Gasp.]

DEREK
Gotcha!

PUFFIN
[Squawks.]

ODETTE
Hello, Derek. Oh Derek, I’ve missed you so.

DEREK
No one believed me, but I knew.

ODETTE
You can’t stay.

DEREK
Can’t stay? No, I’ll never let you out of my sight again.

ODETTE
Listen to me, Derek.

ROTHBART (off-screen)
Odette!

ODETTE
Oh no!

DEREK
Who is it? What’s going on?

ODETTE
It’s him!

DEREK
Who?

ODETTE
He has me under a spell.

DEREK
Who does?

ROTHBART (off-screen)
Odette!

DEREK
Let him come! I’ll—

ODETTE
No, he has great power. You must go!

DEREK
Then you’re coming with me.

ODETTE
I can’t! When the moon sets I’ll turn back into a swan. Please Derek, you have to trust me. Go!

DEREK
There must be some way to break the spell.

ODETTE
Oh, there is. You must make a vow of everlasting love—

DEREK
I make it? It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

ODETTE
You must prove it to the world.

DEREK
How? How?

ODETTE
I don’t know!

ROTHBART (off-screen)
Odette!

ODETTE
Go!

DEREK
The ball! Tomorrow night, come to the castle. Before the whole world I will make a vow of everlasting love.

ROTHBART (off-screen)
Odette!

ODETTE
I’m coming! Go!

DEREK
Tomorrow night.

ODETTE
Yes. Tomorrow night. Now go.

ROTHBART
Odette! Didn’t you hear me calling?

ODETTE
I… I…

ROTHBART
I thought I heard… voices.

JEAN-BOB
Odette. Odette.

ODETTE
Voices?

ROTHBART
Yes? Voices.

ODETTE
Well, I — I…

ROTHBART
You what?

ODETTE
I’ve decided to become your queen.

JEAN-BOB, SPEED & PUFFIN
[Gasp.]

ROTHBART
No! You mean… Hu-huh! Odette, Odette, you’ve made me so happy. I’ll be a good king, you’ll see, I’ll wear nice clothes, and I’m going to get my beard trimmed. Oh, oh, you’ve made me so happy, Odette, oh… By the way, you wouldn’t happen to know who this belongs to, would you?

ODETTE
[Gasp.]

JEAN-BOB
Ah!

ROTHBART
“Come to the ball?” “I will make a vow of everlasting love…” [Laughs.] Thought you could fool Rothbart, did you?

ODETTE
I will never be yours! You creature! I will marry Prince Derek and you cannot stop me!

ROTHBART
Oh, I hate to tell you this, Odette, but you won’t be able to attend the big ball tomorrow night.

ODETTE
If you want to stop me, you’ll have to kill me.

ROTHBART
No! I don’t think so. You see, you’ve forgotten one very important thing… Tomorrow night there is no moon. [Laughs.]

ODETTE
[Cries.]

(Transition: Interior, Swan Lake castle.)

ROTHBART
No matter what they do, I’m always one step ahead. On the other hand, Prince Derek’s vow could ruin everything.

THE HAG
Aaaa!

ROTHBART
I’m gonna have to deal with him… But how? The vow! I’ll get Derek to offer his vow to the wrong princess!

THE HAG
Eeee?

ROTHBART
That’s it! [Laughs.] I’ll make you look like Odette. Well, that’s gonna take a lot of work, but it’ll be worth it. ‘Cause when he makes his vow to the wrong girl, Odette will die, and I’ll finish Derek off myself. Oh, I love it! I mean, this is really classy… This is me!
Gosh it’s such a hoot to see them quaking
When I’m king they’ll treat me with respect
I can’t wait to watch their poor hearts breaking
So much for politically correct
Up ‘til now I’ve pulled my punches
I intend to eat their lunches
No more Mr. Nice Guy, not for me
If you think that I’m hard-hearted
Well, let me by, I haven’t even started

ROTHBART & BACKUP SINGERS
No more Mr. Nice Guy, no sirree

ROTHBART
Soon as my witchcraft has zinged ‘em
I’ll gain control of the kingdom
As for Odette, well that’s tragic
‘Cause I’m going back to that

ROTHBART & BACKUP SINGERS
Old black magic

ROTHBART
Good behavior is so much duller
Time to show my one true color

ROTHBART & BACKUP SINGERS
Baby, Mr. Nice Guy’s history

THE HAG
Yeah!

ROTHBART
Vengeance is what I believe in
I don’t get mad, I get even
Odette can’t get to the ball ‘cause I won’t bring her
So I’ll zap up a date

ROTHBART & BACKUP SINGERS
Who’s a real dead ringer

ROTHBART
Up to no good, I love plottin’
‘Cause I’m so good when I’m rotten

ROTHBART & BACKUP SINGERS
No more Mr. Nice Guy, wait and see

BACKUP SINGERS
Wait and see

ROTHBART
I’ll become that nasty, naughty

ROTHBART & BACKUP SINGERS
Petty, spiteful

ROTHBART
Wicked, wayward

ROTHBART & BACKUP SINGERS
Way delightful

ROTHBART
Bad guy I was born to be

THE HAG
One more time!

ROTHBART
Lying, loathsome

ROTHBART & BACKUP SINGERS
Never tender

ROTHBART
Indiscreet

ROTHBART & BACKUP SINGERS
Repeat offender

ROTHBART
No more Mr. Nice Guy, that’s not me
Yeah!

BACKUP SINGERS
Do do do

ROTHBART
Thank you, thank you, thank you. [Laughs.]

(Transition: Interior, Uberta’s castle, ballroom.)

DEREK
Mother have you s—

UBERTA
Oh, Derek!

DEREK
What are these?

UBERTA
Roses.

DEREK
They’re red.

UBERTA
Of course they’re red.

DEREK
But mom, I don’t want red roses. I want white. Like a swan. Have you seen Bromley?

UBERTA
No.

DEREK
Has anyone seen Bromley? Would you feed this to a swan?

SERVANT
I…

DEREK
Take it back. Get something light, something fresh. No no no no no, Rogers, hold it.

ROGERS
What’s wrong?

DEREK
Tonight the music must be played rubato, soft and graceful, like a swan.

ROGERS
A swan?

DEREK
Have you ever seen a swan, Rogers?

ROGERS
Of course I’ve seen a swan.

DEREK
If you could play a swan, what would it sound like?

ROGERS
[Laughs.]

DEREK
Soft and graceful, Rogers. Where is Bromley?

UBERTA
No one has seen him, Derek.

DEREK
You’re kidding! Who’s gonna be my best man?

UBERTA
Best…? You mean? You – oh – Derek! Oh!

DEREK
There you go, Rogers, that’s the stuff. Come on, mother.

UBERTA
[Laughs.] Don’t be so secretive, Derek, tell me who she is. [Squeals.]

DEREK
[Laughs.]

(Transition to: Interior, watery dungeon, Swan Lake castle.)

ROTHBART
It hurts me to lock you up, Odette. Hurts me deep. But then, a king’s day is full of tough decisions. You understand. Oh, now you’re mad at me again. Doggone it, I can’t do nothing right! Head full of pudding. That’s me. Well, I can’t leave you like this. If you’re not happy, I’m not happy. Hmm… I know! If you can’t attend the ball, then I’ll bring the ball to you! Let’s see… the first thing you need is a young man. The prince is busy, of course, but I think I can arrange a substitute.

BROMLEY
No, please, I beg you, please!

ROTHBART
Oh poor fellow, he got lost in the woods.

BROMLEY
Aaah! No, help! Help! Don’t go!

ROTHBART
Oh, I’d love to stay but if I don’t leave now I’ll be late; that’s tacky. D-don’t give me that look, missy, had to be sneaky, didn’t you? Had to drag your weakling prince into it, didn’t you? That’s fine with me, just fine with me!

(Transition to: Exterior, Swan Lake, night.)

PUFFIN
Oh!

(Transition to: Exterior, Uberta’s castle, night.)

FOOTMEN
Every single princess on the planet
Prayed to be invited to the ball
Every Portia, Gwenevere and Janet
Would come by coach or boat to be here
Most would swim the moat to be here
Just to be at this historic gala
Girls would walk around or even crawl
Rumor is that at this joyous scene tonight
The prince will likely choose his future queen tonight

(Transition: Interior, Uberta’s castle.)

CHAMBERLAIN
Uh, excuse me. Oh, excuse me. [Clears throat.] Excuse me, Your Highness!

UBERTA
Yes, yes, Chamberlain.

CHAMBERLAIN
It’s getting rather crowded.

UBERTA
Very well, you may begin the introductions. And Chamberlain?

CHAMBERLAIN
Yes?

UBERTA
No mistakes this time! Everything must be perfect.

CHAMBERLAIN
Oh no no no, oh yes, no no no, madam, everything will be p-p-perfect. [Laughs nervously.]

UBERTA
Promise me, Derek, you’ll tell me who is the moment she arrives.

DEREK
[Chuckles.] Don’t worry, mother, you’ll know. Believe me, you’ll know.

(Cut to: Exterior, Swan Lake, night.)

PUFFIN
Ah!

SPEED
What?

PUFFIN
It’s coming!

JEAN-BOB
What is?

PUFFIN
An idea! A substantial idea! A large, colossal idea!

SPEED
Sounds big.

PUFFIN
I got it! Ha! Water leaks into the dungeon, right? Well, if there’s a leak, there must be a hole. We’ll find the hole, make it bigger and [explosion sound] she’s loose. [Chuckles.]

JEAN-BOB
I think you’re forgetting two things. Chomp chomp!

SPEED
His Majesty’s got a point.

PUFFIN
Not to worry. Now, first we need a scout.

JEAN-BOB
Are you crazy? Who’s going to jump into this moat?

PUFFIN
He’s got to be a good swimmer.

JEAN-BOB
I should say so.

SPEED
And he’s got to be small, too.

JEAN-BOB
Teeny weeny, not to be seen.

PUFFIN
And it wouldn’t hurt if he was green, for camouflage purposes.

JEAN-BOB
Precisely. Small, good swimmer, green. Good grief, you’re talking about me?!

PUFFIN
You’re off on a mission
You’re tough, in good condition
A hero, warts and all
No fear

JEAN-BOB
Absolutely not! I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!

(Transition to: Interior, ballroom, Uberta’s castle.)

UBERTA
Oh, thank you, thank you, I know that some of you just abhor beauty pageants, but being a puff puff girl myself way back in 39, ah, I just could resist. And girls? A one, a two, a one two three!

CHAMBERLAIN
Beauty and glamour in breeding a match

CHORUS
Princesses on parade

CHAMBERLAIN
Lovely, enthralling, and all unattached

CHAMBERLAIN
The hoi polloi and those well-bred agree
Each enjoy a royal pedigree

CHORUS
Born for success

CHAMBERLAIN
Each possesses a spark
Each a remarkable maid
Boy oh boy, these royal highnesses
All have pluses, they’ve no minuses
Gaze upon

CHORUS
These princesses on parade

ROGERS
This princess come Colchester, where corn and cotton grows. She plays croquet and harpsichord and sews her own clothes. Antonia isn’t known to take the path of least resistance. She hails from south east Franisatan and came the farthest distance. Gruzilda lives to help the world, she finds no task too menial, and all the other hopeful girls think she’s the most congenial. Brunhilda is from Studgart, where our swords and armors’ made.

CHAMBERLAIN
Gaze upon

CHORUS
Princesses on parade
This is the likely occasion
When the heir to the throne picks a wife

PRINCESSES
This may be the day when Prince Derek will say

CHAMBERLAIN
“Where have you been all my life?”

PRINCESSES
[Swoon.]

PRINCESSES & CHORUS
Brilliant, beguiling, the smiling brigade

CHAMBERLAIN
Princesses on parade

CHORUS
Each the pride of her community
Each a golden opportunity

PRINCESSES
Just the thought that crown prince Derek’ll
Face this choice and he’s hysterical

CHORUS
Gaze upon, heap praise upon

CHAMBERLAIN
These radiant, glamorous, luminous, dazzling

CHORUS
Princesses on parade

CHAMBERLAIN
[Gasp.]

UBERTA
Chamberlain. All who were invited are present, are they not?

CHAMBERLAIN
Well, yes, I mean, well. [Gasp.]

UBERTA
Open the door! Chamberlain.

CHAMBERLAIN
It’s the milkman, it must be the milkman. [Gasp.] We’ll, it’s not the milkman.

UBERTA
Oh! Oh no, it can’t be! Excuse me, pardon me, could you, please, I’ve got to get through. Oh oh, yes, she’s lovely, isn’t she? Queen coming through here, excuse me excuse me. Rogers! Rogers, who is it? Do you know her?

ROGERS
I don’t know.

UBERTA
Come now, Rogers, I know he confides in you. Who is it?

ROGERS
I promise I’ve never seen her before. Although she does look a great deal like…

UBERTA
But it couldn’t be… Could it?

DEREK
Oh, I was so worried… I almost thought…

THE HAG (as ODETTE)
Nothing could keep me away.

(Cut to: Exterior, Swan Lake, night.)

PUFFIN
Okay, Speed will draw the gators away then you’ll get a runnin’ start and make a [sound] for that hole.

JEAN-BOB
If I can find it, and if the alligators don’t chew me before I get there.

PUFFIN
Don’t worry. Speed will rush to help.

JEAN-BOB
Ah yes, Mister Molasses will rush to help.

PUFFIN
That’s the plan.

JEAN-BOB
Suddenly I’m full of comfort.

PUFFIN
Well, all right. Stretch out.

JEAN-BOB
How do I get myself talked into these things?

PUFFIN
All right, all right. To your mark.

SPEED
Hey, you old leatherheads, come and get me. Come on, buckeyes!

PUFFIN
Perfect, perfect. Right. Are you ready? Get set… Go! Faster, faster!

JEAN-BOB
Sure, go on, Jean-Bob, race to your death! [Screams.]

SPEED
Get moving, slow-poke.

JEAN-BOB
Slow-poke?! Oh!

SPEED
Na na na na na. Any luck?

JEAN-BOB
[Grunts.]

ODETTE
Jean-Bob!

JEAN-BOB
To the rescue, mademoiselle!

PUFFIN
Oh, there’s the signal. All right, Puffin, time to brush up on the divin’ technique. Yoo hoo! Those turtles are tough eatin’. How about a little white meat, eh? Good for the heart!

JEAN-BOB
We broke through. Let’s go!

ODETTE
Thank you, Jean-Bob. Oh, and when this is over, remind me to give you a kiss.

JEAN-BOB
[Cheers.]

BROMLEY
What, what is it? Stay away, what are you doing? No, no, get away!

SPEED
I’ll tell you when. Let’s go.

ODETTE
Ah!

SPEED
Friends call me Speed.

PUFFIN
Go Odette, go! Hoo hoo!